Famous Last Words

1) What do ya mean vampires aren’t afraid of onions? 2) Amazons? Bah, they’re still just a bunch of girls…. 3) You dozen barbarians got driven back by a few hundred goblins? Whew, I smell something, it’s the stink of defeat! 4) So you’re a God huh? If you are such a bad@ss, let’s see […]

 




Politically Correct Fairy Tales

Are you sick and tired of those “conservative” fairy tales? Are you an American liberal or someone from Europe who thinks those fairy tales teach values that no longer need to be promoted in today’s world? Well, RWN is coming to your rescue with our “Politically Correct Fairy Tales!” ===== Hansel and Gretel Hansel and […]

 

Constitution Ruled Unconstitutional

Today the Federal Appeals court in San Francisco ruled that the Constitution itself was unconstitutional because the phrase “year of our Lord” was used in Article Seven. Therefore, the court ruled that instead of the Constitution, the United States would in the future be governed by a combination of the principles set forth in the […]

 


The Bono Interview

Today we’re fortunate enough to have an interview with Bono, the lead singer of U2. Of course, Bono is world famous for singing songs like “Where the Streets Have No Name”, “Desire”, “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For”, and too many other songs to mention. These days Bono is as famous for his […]

 

The BKW Guide to Anti-Americanism

Greetings friends (and by friends I mean everyone but Americans)! BKW has long been accused of being too pro-American and in order to refute these scandalous charges we’ve decided to write a “Guide to Anti-Americanism.” If you’ve ever wanted to fit in at European Dinner Parties, Anti-globalism protests, or at a Harvard faculty meeting this […]

 

Liberals On The High Seas

A merchant ship cuts through the water off the coast of North Carolina in 1705. Behind them appears none other than Blackbeard himself! He’s quickly closing the gap between their ships and time is getting short. Only the actions of new captain Jebediah Rall, the great-great-great-great-uh-great-and a bunch more greats grandfather of Ted Rall, can […]

 




The Persistent Spammer

(**One of our readers (Bryan “Maverick” Casey) got an ICQ spam message from these people and he told me they actually talked for a good bit while he tried to prank them. So I messaged them and the transcript is as follows**) John Hawkins:: Hey are you the money people? Do I talk to you if […]

 

My Dad Says…

Layzie:: I like dancing too! Leopard Grrl:: a/s/l Layzie:: Is that a math question? Leopard Grrl:: age/sex/location Layzie:: Oh it’s one of those internet slang words! OK let me see here.My computer is probably about 4 years old / I’m not sure computers have sex?/ It’s on my computer desk silly Leopard Grrl:: age/sex/location=a/s/l like me example -16/f/ne Layzie:: Oh your computer […]

 

MMMMM…Toes

Dath DB:: Heya Dave Sudden Death:: Hi Dath Sudden Death:: What’s up? Dath DB:: Nadda. Hey do you have John Hawkinss ICQ? Sudden Death:: Yeah it’s… ********** sorry that took so long, my ICQ died. Dath DB:: You have my most sincere condolences Sudden Death:: What? Dath DB:: That was a bad pun, you see your icq died… Sudden Death:: Yeah that was bad […]

 

The l33t Hax00r By Afton Walker

This a pretty interesting ICQ prank. Afton was sitting behind me at work. Bobby messaged him. I hate Bobby. Afton introduced me to Bobby a couple of months ago through ICQ. He said he was a good kid and had a few questions about web pages. After talking to Bobby for about 30 minutes I […]

 



Glad to Help!

Yes, I met Kerrigan (**name changed to protect the innocent**) on Sunday. She’s the girlfriend of a real life friend of mine. Her and her boyfriend are big deal in a mud called “Realm of Destiny” (**name also changed**). For those that don’t know, a mud is a text based role playing game. Think of […]

 

GAH!!! A Witch!!!

John Hawkins:: Hello it is me to talk to you =] True_Heart:: Who are you? ‘Ѥ’; John Hawkins:: I am Archfend and I am wanting to chat with someone..my English is bad tho =( You are an artist? ‘Ѥ’; True_Heart:: My English is bad too…’Ф’ John Hawkins:: Ahhhhh….’Ф’ that is an evil eye symbol in my country yes? Are you […]

 

Emperor Galactus

John Hawkins:: Hello I am doing a paper on the US….I would like to ask questions please about your country =D Betsy:: Ok John Hawkins:: I am from the Faeroe islands and I am doing a paper on the US for my college class but there is little information about the US except on the TV and it […]

 

Are You Making Fun of My Name?

I work for an ISP. Many of us there use ICQ to communicate back and forth while we help the customers, ask questions, etc. There are over a 100 people that work there and many of us have different work and home ICQ numbers. Shay (her and my ICQ name have been changed to protect […]

 


Tasmanian Devils. Man’s New Best Friend?

Tasmanian devils have recently become very popular exotic pets in our country. Everyday more and more people forego getting more traditional pets like cats and dogs to purchase lovable tasmanian devils. Although Tasmanian Devils (known as devils from this point on) have gotten a bad rap from the cute but destructive Loony Toons character Taz, […]

 

RWN’s Guide To Raising Your Dog

Everybody who has been reading RWN for any significant amount time knows that I love dogs. I’ve explained why they’re: better pets than cats, brought you the: day in the life of a puppy, featured an: Amazing Japanese Dog Translator, and I even explained how: puppies could help us win the war on terrorism. But now, after publishing our: award […]

 

The Puppy-Oil Cannon

In the Gulf War and Afghanistan, the US military spent an inordinate amount of money and effort dislodging enemy soldiers who took cover in caves and bunkers. Today the Pentagon unveiled a new siege breaking weapon designed to solve that problem; the ‘Puppy-Oil Cannon’. In response to a reporter’s question, General Tommy Franks explained how […]

 

A Day In The Life Of A Puppy

12:37 AM:: Thought I heard something outside so I barked and barked and barked until my owner was awake to check it out! 1:19 AM:: A shadow moved across the window! It could be an attack! I howled and barked for 5 minutes straight until my master told me to “shut the Hell up!” See if I […]