Year: 2012

Dath DB:: Heya Dave Sudden Death:: Hi Dath Sudden Death:: What’s up? Dath DB:: Nadda. Hey do you have John Hawkinss ICQ? Sudden Death:: Yeah it’s… ********** sorry that took so long, my ICQ died. Dath DB:: You have my most sincere condolences Sudden Death:: What? Dath DB:: That was a bad pun, you see your icq died… Sudden Death:: Yeah that was bad […]

This a pretty interesting ICQ prank. Afton was sitting behind me at work. Bobby messaged him. I hate Bobby. Afton introduced me to Bobby a couple of months ago through ICQ. He said he was a good kid and had a few questions about web pages. After talking to Bobby for about 30 minutes I […]

I was a little surprised to get another ICQ message from Doug (name changed to protect the dopey) tonight. At the end of my last ICQ prank, I did give him my web page URL and I had changed all of my ICQ details back to normal. But apparently, he didn’t visit the website and […]

Hadez who on occasion writes, does graphics, and proofreading for RWN let me know last night that he had a live one on ICQ. It seems that when Hadez created his ICQ account years ago, he put down Iraq as his home country on a lark. Well, some guy from Brazil who claimed to have […]

Yes, I met Kerrigan (**name changed to protect the innocent**) on Sunday. She’s the girlfriend of a real life friend of mine. Her and her boyfriend are big deal in a mud called “Realm of Destiny” (**name also changed**). For those that don’t know, a mud is a text based role playing game. Think of […]

John Hawkins:: Hello it is me to talk to you =] True_Heart:: Who are you? ‘Ѥ’; John Hawkins:: I am Archfend and I am wanting to chat with someone..my English is bad tho =( You are an artist? ‘Ѥ’; True_Heart:: My English is bad too…’Ф’ John Hawkins:: Ahhhhh….’Ф’ that is an evil eye symbol in my country yes? Are you […]

John Hawkins:: Hello I am doing a paper on the US….I would like to ask questions please about your country =D Betsy:: Ok John Hawkins:: I am from the Faeroe islands and I am doing a paper on the US for my college class but there is little information about the US except on the TV and it […]

I work for an ISP. Many of us there use ICQ to communicate back and forth while we help the customers, ask questions, etc. There are over a 100 people that work there and many of us have different work and home ICQ numbers. Shay (her and my ICQ name have been changed to protect […]

Fargo, North Dakota ‘ 39 year old divorcee Laura Bingham had a discussion with her cat today about her recent breakup with her boyfriend — as if he could understand what she was talking about. “Brandon was such a jerk. I mean he never considered what I wanted, it always all about fulfilling Brandon’s needs. […]

Tasmanian devils have recently become very popular exotic pets in our country. Everyday more and more people forego getting more traditional pets like cats and dogs to purchase lovable tasmanian devils. Although Tasmanian Devils (known as devils from this point on) have gotten a bad rap from the cute but destructive Loony Toons character Taz, […]

In the Gulf War and Afghanistan, the US military spent an inordinate amount of money and effort dislodging enemy soldiers who took cover in caves and bunkers. Today the Pentagon unveiled a new siege breaking weapon designed to solve that problem; the ‘Puppy-Oil Cannon’. In response to a reporter’s question, General Tommy Franks explained how […]

12:37 AM:: Thought I heard something outside so I barked and barked and barked until my owner was awake to check it out! 1:19 AM:: A shadow moved across the window! It could be an attack! I howled and barked for 5 minutes straight until my master told me to “shut the Hell up!” See if I […]

John Hawkins Cats and Dogs? My God, do we even have to compare the two? OBVIOUSLY, dogs are better. EVERYONE knows that. Let’s go over the reasons why. Cat owner’s = evil, Dog owners = good:: Some well known cat owners include Saddam Hussein, Adolph Hitler, Mike Tyson and Martha Stewart. See, cat owners are B@STARDS!!! […]

DENVER, CO– The Animal Control Office is having a particularly difficult time this year with Smurfs in the mile-high city. Harsh conditions in the Fall have forced the normally reclusive creatures into town where they comb parks, and residents’ garbage, looking for mushrooms and other sources of food. Animal control officer Geoff Sturgess and police […]

Scientists all over the world are delighted with the incredible, new, Japanese invention that allows them to translate what dogs are saying. You can read about this fantastic invention: here: at “Japan Today” RWN has managed to get some exclusive information about this miraculous scientific break through. These dog translators will be available in the US by […]

ALF mix-up ends in feline tragedy Newly initiated animal rights activists from the controversial Animal Liberation Front made a costly mistake when around 20 newly freed laboratory kittens were dropped off at 167 Hemdale, in Los Angeles, CA. The Tanner family were all either at school, shopping or at work leaving their illegal alien and […]

We here at Mad Osama Inc. have the hottest real estate deals in all of Afghanistan. They’re hotter than an American fuel-air bomb and that’s plenty hot!! Our founder and patron Osama Bin Laden has personally visited every one of these caves so he knows what great deals they are! But as everyone knows, Osama […]

This to be BKW’s tribute to the comedic genius of Monty Python. For those of you that are unfamiliar with the song this is parodying, try to get an MP3 of “Brave Sir Robin.” Bravely bold Sir Bin Laden, rode his camel forth from Saudi. He was not afraid to die, O Brave Sir Bin […]

We here at Mad Osama Inc. are back with incredible deals for all you Western capitalists. As everyone knows, the sons of pigs and monkeys from America have used trickery to whittle our 80,000 man army in Afghanistan down to 73 mighty mujahideen! Soon we will mount a counter-jihad that will wipe out the entire […]

It seems like you can’t read a website, watch the news, or pick up a newspaper without hearing about another terrorist attack. Of course most people claim that terrorism is “bad.” But is it really “bad” or is that just another lie crafted by “the man” to keep the people down? Well as we’ve learned […]

BKW looks at terrorist Osama bin Laden’s early career as a syndicated newspaper lifestyle-advice columnist. According to his fans throughout the Persian Gulf region: “No matter what the question was, whether it be about gardening, cooking or fashion tips, Osama always had the answer.”   Ask Osama Advice for the Faithful BKW’s exclusive report on […]

Today, Taliban leader Mullah Mohammad Omar released what he called “definitive proof” that he and Osama Bin Laden were not responsible for the attacks on America. Omar claimed that “I have a tape recording of a phone conversation that will prove that the attacks on America were planned and executed by the president of the […]

(**I received this email today from someone nicknamed Cyril Holt. The last time I heard from him, he was royally p*ssed off because I fulfilled my duties as the US Ambassador of Whoop Ass and scared the hell out of the Chinese with: this email: that I sent to their embassy (Incidentally, they announced our people would […]

10) Bin who? look, we’re just a pizza delivery service. Please leave us alone…please. 9) The 72 virgins were delivered ahead of schedule … you’d be gone for 7 months too if you had 72 honeymoons to attend too. 8) Osama got a bad case of stage fright and until he gets over it, no […]

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN — The Taliban accused the United States of targeting civilians in Afghanistan. Taliban spokesman, Sayed Sardar Ahmad Ahmadi took western reporters to a huge bomb crater outside of Kabul. “Look at all these school buses full of children murdered by the anti-Muslim American forces!”. After CNN reporter Kamal Hyder pointed out that the […]

Hello. My name is Azziz Azzam and I am the president of the Saddam Hussein fan club! Like all the people of Iraq, I love Saddam Hussein! Many people don’t understand this because American propaganda has turned their decadent brains backwards! <—– Of course the truth cannot be hidden forever! That is why Saddam has […]

There have been some rumors floating around about why the US is redesigning our military and building a nuclear missile defense that the United States government has felt compelled to address. First of all, we certainly aren’t upgrading our military because of a surprise attack we’re doing on Europe next year! That’s definitely not the […]

Afghanistan: — Celebrating 25 years of civil war Argentina: — Where everyone has a chance to be president…literally.   Australia: — 9 out of 10 of the most venomous snakes in the world can’t be wrong. Belgium: — At least we’re not as bad as France. Bosnia: — The official entrance to hell since 1991. Canada: — We needed a slogan, […]