Author: John Hawkins

John Hawkins Cats and Dogs? My God, do we even have to compare the two? OBVIOUSLY, dogs are better. EVERYONE knows that. Let’s go over the reasons why. Cat owner’s = evil, Dog owners = good:: Some well known cat owners include Saddam Hussein, Adolph Hitler, Mike Tyson and Martha Stewart. See, cat owners are B@STARDS!!! […]

DENVER, CO– The Animal Control Office is having a particularly difficult time this year with Smurfs in the mile-high city. Harsh conditions in the Fall have forced the normally reclusive creatures into town where they comb parks, and residents’ garbage, looking for mushrooms and other sources of food. Animal control officer Geoff Sturgess and police […]

Scientists all over the world are delighted with the incredible, new, Japanese invention that allows them to translate what dogs are saying. You can read about this fantastic invention: here: at “Japan Today” RWN has managed to get some exclusive information about this miraculous scientific break through. These dog translators will be available in the US by […]

ALF mix-up ends in feline tragedy Newly initiated animal rights activists from the controversial Animal Liberation Front made a costly mistake when around 20 newly freed laboratory kittens were dropped off at 167 Hemdale, in Los Angeles, CA. The Tanner family were all either at school, shopping or at work leaving their illegal alien and […]

We here at Mad Osama Inc. have the hottest real estate deals in all of Afghanistan. They’re hotter than an American fuel-air bomb and that’s plenty hot!! Our founder and patron Osama Bin Laden has personally visited every one of these caves so he knows what great deals they are! But as everyone knows, Osama […]

This to be BKW’s tribute to the comedic genius of Monty Python. For those of you that are unfamiliar with the song this is parodying, try to get an MP3 of “Brave Sir Robin.” Bravely bold Sir Bin Laden, rode his camel forth from Saudi. He was not afraid to die, O Brave Sir Bin […]

We here at Mad Osama Inc. are back with incredible deals for all you Western capitalists. As everyone knows, the sons of pigs and monkeys from America have used trickery to whittle our 80,000 man army in Afghanistan down to 73 mighty mujahideen! Soon we will mount a counter-jihad that will wipe out the entire […]

It seems like you can’t read a website, watch the news, or pick up a newspaper without hearing about another terrorist attack. Of course most people claim that terrorism is “bad.” But is it really “bad” or is that just another lie crafted by “the man” to keep the people down? Well as we’ve learned […]

BKW looks at terrorist Osama bin Laden’s early career as a syndicated newspaper lifestyle-advice columnist. According to his fans throughout the Persian Gulf region: “No matter what the question was, whether it be about gardening, cooking or fashion tips, Osama always had the answer.”   Ask Osama Advice for the Faithful BKW’s exclusive report on […]

Today, Taliban leader Mullah Mohammad Omar released what he called “definitive proof” that he and Osama Bin Laden were not responsible for the attacks on America. Omar claimed that “I have a tape recording of a phone conversation that will prove that the attacks on America were planned and executed by the president of the […]

(**I received this email today from someone nicknamed Cyril Holt. The last time I heard from him, he was royally p*ssed off because I fulfilled my duties as the US Ambassador of Whoop Ass and scared the hell out of the Chinese with: this email: that I sent to their embassy (Incidentally, they announced our people would […]

10) Bin who? look, we’re just a pizza delivery service. Please leave us alone…please. 9) The 72 virgins were delivered ahead of schedule … you’d be gone for 7 months too if you had 72 honeymoons to attend too. 8) Osama got a bad case of stage fright and until he gets over it, no […]

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN — The Taliban accused the United States of targeting civilians in Afghanistan. Taliban spokesman, Sayed Sardar Ahmad Ahmadi took western reporters to a huge bomb crater outside of Kabul. “Look at all these school buses full of children murdered by the anti-Muslim American forces!”. After CNN reporter Kamal Hyder pointed out that the […]

Hello. My name is Azziz Azzam and I am the president of the Saddam Hussein fan club! Like all the people of Iraq, I love Saddam Hussein! Many people don’t understand this because American propaganda has turned their decadent brains backwards! <—– Of course the truth cannot be hidden forever! That is why Saddam has […]

There have been some rumors floating around about why the US is redesigning our military and building a nuclear missile defense that the United States government has felt compelled to address. First of all, we certainly aren’t upgrading our military because of a surprise attack we’re doing on Europe next year! That’s definitely not the […]

Afghanistan: — Celebrating 25 years of civil war Argentina: — Where everyone has a chance to be president…literally.   Australia: — 9 out of 10 of the most venomous snakes in the world can’t be wrong. Belgium: — At least we’re not as bad as France. Bosnia: — The official entrance to hell since 1991. Canada: — We needed a slogan, […]

Other nations are a mystery to many Americans. Hell, most Americans are lucky if they know how many states there are or where Idaho is. So we here at Brass Knuckles Webzine have decided to put together a short article some of the world’s other nations and how they relate to the greatest nation of […]

Military analysts have noted quite a bit of suspicious activity in recent months North of the American border. Canada has called up all of its reserves and has mobilized almost its entire force on the US/Canadian border. Responses from Canadian diplomats on the subject have been less than enlightening. “Nothing for you yanks to worry […]

Ontario, Canada — Canadian Terrence Phillips has grown more and more disturbed in the last few months about America’s total non-interest in invading Canada, “I’ve talked to dozens of Americans who I met at college & over the internet and not one of them showed the slightest interest in conquering Canada,” a miffed Phillips said. […]

We received another great email from one of our fans today! Here’s the email and our response… === >From: w****and@mailcity.com >To: webmaster@brassknuckles.net >Subject: the canadian menace by John Hawkins >Date: Sun, 21 Jul 2002 09:21:56 -0700 (PDT) >heh John Hawkins eh, i liked your piece on the: canadian menace, i’m from canada and i found it […]

To:: chinaembassy_us@fmprc.gov.cn From:: John Hawkins (Webmaster@brassknuckles.net) Subject:: An Open Letter To China Hello My name is John Hawkins and I run an American web page called “Brass Knuckles Webzine.” I wanted to write the Chinese embassy so that you could convey a diplomatic message to not only the government of China but to all of China’s 1 billion […]

I have now realized after reading Mary Allen’s “Free Boobies” article that many women are puzzled as to what men really mean when they say things. Many women take what men say at face value and that’s a huge mistake that can lead to a lot of frustration. Men across the world are going to […]

I spent 8 hours a day for over a year helping people connect to the internet. During that time I became the “Yoda” of my shift. Merely by using the “tech support force” I was able to help clueless people connect to the internet in record time. How did I do it? I was able […]

Since the ‘War On Terrorism’ started, Americans have actually begun paying attention to the wild-eyed thugs and gibbering tyrants who run most of the Middle East. But since most Americans aren’t used to hearing from other nations unless they’re destroying them in Olympic basketball or overthrowing their governments, they don’t really understand the babbling of […]

Many people are confused when things that the Taliban say don’t seem to match up to reality. Some people believe that this means the Taliban are liars. Nothing could be further from the truth. You simply need to understand Taliban slang and lingo. Therefore, BKW has created a “Taliban Translation Guide” to help you out. […]

Have you ever noticed that famous Democrats like Bill Clinton, Ted Kennedy, and Jessie Jackson seem to lie all the time? Well they’re not really lying! You just need to learn to speak Democrat. That’s why RWN created this handy, dandy, translation guide so you can understand what Democrats actually mean. Our opponents refuse to […]