Desperate Bush Denies Link To Growing ‘Timinggate’ Scandal By Iowahawk

Embattled US President George W. Bush today sought to distance himself from the simmering ‘Timinggate’ scandal that has dominated the national press and broadcast news for the past three days, and threatens to topple his administration. In what many saw as an evasive and legalistically worded defense, Bushed denied any personal culpability or involvement in […]

 


Lawsuits & The ‘Little Guys”

So let’s say there’s a guy who’s driving a SUV in an ice storm. Witnesses say that he was speeding and weaving in and out of traffic and it turns out that the driver and one of his two passengers, were not wearing seatbelts. Tragically, the driver loses control of his car, it rolls over […]

 

Know Thy Enemy: Black Holes By Frank J.

Stephen Hawking has revamped the theory of black holes, finally solving the paradox that black holes seemingly destroy information. Now I can finally sleep nights again. So what do you do if you happen to run into a black hole? Well, I sent out my crack research staff to find out as much as they […]

 

My Favorite 40 Blogs — July 22, 2004

It has been a couple of months since the last time I ranked my favorite 40 blogs and since I’m such a statistics junky (I blame all the Dungeons & Dragons and Fantasy Sports I played when I was younger), I decided to go ahead and do another ranking. However, I did have an ulterior […]

 

Berger Returns U.S. Constitution To Archives By Scott Ott

Former Clinton national security advisor Samuel R. “Sandy” Berger today returned the orginal copy of the U.S. Constitution to the National Archives. “It was an honest mistake,” said Mr. Berger, who until this morning was an advisor to Democrat presidential hopeful John Forbes Kerry. “I accidentally wrapped the Constitution around my left leg and mistakenly […]

 


A Pat On The Back For Shooting A Tiger

So down in West Palm Beach Florida, there’s the B-movie actor named Steve Sipek who has a thing for wild cats…and we’re not talking about alley cats here either. The guy has lions, tigers, and cougars on his property. That’s probably not a great idea to begin with, but hey, it’s free country and if […]

 

Linda Ronstadt Vs. Bush

Washed up pop-singer Linda Ronstadt was recently fired unceremoniously by the Aladdin Theatre for the Performing Arts for causing an uproar by promoting Michael Moore of all people at one of her concerts… “Aladdin President Bill Timmins ordered security guards to escort pop diva Linda Ronstadt off the property following a concert Saturday night during […]

 




TrouserGate Update By Iowahawk

CLINTON AIDE ACCIDENTALLY TAKES 9/11 DOCS, NOTES, JOLLY RANCHERS Former Clinton Administration National Security Advisor Sandy Berger admitted ‘inadvertantly’ stuffing highly classified documents and notes into his pants, absent-mindedly removing them from the national archives on five occasions, accidentally mailing them to DNC Chair Terry McAuliffe, who mistakenly buried them in the World Trade Center […]

 

Why Conservatives Should Vote For Bush

Some of you are probably asking yourselves some obvious questions. Namely, “Why is Hawkins writing a column encouraging conservatives to vote for George Bush? It’s not like they’re going to vote for Kerry right?” That sort of sentiment is often expressed and it is in part, true. Most conservatives would rather put a “I Love […]

 

The Script Of ‘Fahrenheit 9/11’

If you’ve wanted an opportunity to pick apart the many misleading statements & falsehoods in Michael Moore’s ‘Fahrenheit 9/11’, today’s your lucky day. I say that because the fine folks at Red Line Rants have provided the text of the movie to RWN. Here it is in all its deceptive glory…(Cont) *** Update #1 ***: […]

 

The Sun Is Responsible For Global Warming?

Liberals tend to get huffy when conservatives say things like this… “The reality is that we really don’t know enough about the climate to know what sort of effect man is having on the global temperature or what earth’s climate is going to be like 20-30 years now. I mean come on, back in the […]

 

Kerry Will Debate…Kerry By Boone Adams

Tom Brokaw announced today that John Kerry will debate himself in three nationally televised events. The longtime anchorman believes this is a first in American politics and is very much needed. “Presidential hopeful John Kerry has been around long enough to have voted on both sides of every issue. The Democratic Party thought that these […]

 


Bush Ads Disenfranchise Florida Voters By Scott Ott

The Bush-Cheney 2004 campaign today launched broadcast ads which give Florida residents incorrect instructions that could result in thousands of disenfranchised voters in November, according to a spokesman for the Democrat National Committee. The ads come just a day after Democrat presidential hopeful John Forbes Kerry told the National Association for the Advancement of Colored […]

 

Whoopi’s Just Deserts

As most of you are no doubt aware, SlimFast canned Whoopi Goldberg after a Kerry fundraiser where she “reportedly fired off a stream of vulgar sexual wordplays on Bush’s name in a riff about female genitalia and was reported as saying the country should ‘keep Bush where it belongs and not in the White House.’ […]

 



More Zero Tolerance Insanity

This is what happens when you have soulless, bureaucratic, paper shuffling sheep running a school system… ” A 15-year-old girl’s sentence of 15 days in alternative school for taking a pain pill on campus was too harsh, a judge ruled Wednesday. A teacher caught Ysatis Jones taking an ibuprofen pill at a water fountain at […]

 


Patton Up Close & Personal

I know you’ve probably noticed that so far today, I’ve posted two humor pieces and a pic of my dog. You may suspect that I’m just trying to fill up space because I’m having some sort of writer’s block. Ha! Yeah right…. Ok…MAYBE, Just MAYBE, there’s something to that…

 

Fox Launches Right-Wing Weather Channel By Andy Borowitz

Takes Aim at Liberal Bias in Weather Coverage Fox today launched the first right-wing weather channel, taking aim at what it perceives as a liberal bias permeating most television weather coverage. In it first day on air, The Fox Weather Channel trumpeted its self-styled “fair and balanced” look at the weather and accused The Weather […]

 

What Cha Lookin’ At?

I’m funny how? I mean, I’m funny like a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to amuse you? How am I funny? What is so funny about me? Tell me, tell me what’s funny. Tell me before I do what my namesake General Patton would have done and go Cujo all […]

 


The Deepening Divide Between The US & Europe

Tony Blankley quotes Kissenger and explains why the US alliance with Europe is eroding… “Mr. Kissinger argues that: (1) the global scene is more fluid than it has been for centuries, (2) the center of gravity of world affairs is moving to the Pacific, (3) the major actors are defining new roles for themselves, and […]

 

RWN Is Mentioned In The Chicago Tribune

RWN has been mentioned, albeit briefly, for the first time in the Chicago Tribune (free registration required). The column was called “It’s officially a living: Bloggers find ad boom can pay their rent”. The article was really well researched and does a fab job of talking up advertising in the blogging world. Here’s the quote […]